Fear of the Unknown - a look back

If you've seen the video from my last post, then you've gotten of glimpse of the amazing time we had in Taiwan. But I just wanted to share what was going on in my heart...from the beginning.

As we were preparing to leave for Taiwan to meet Emi, there wasn't much about the trip itself that I was nervous about.  Surprisingly, the anticipation of the long flight didn't cause much anxiety.  The idea of trying to navigate around Taiwan as four American girls that did not speak even the tiniest bit of Chinese wasn't much of a concern.  Maybe all of those fears I would typically struggle to control were masked by the inevitable emotional roller-coaster that awaited me.  What started out as a casual trip to meet my little girl and volunteer at an orphanage had become something much, MUCH bigger.  

A few weeks ago, a new law was passed in Taiwan requiring adoptive parents to appear in court twice before an adoption can be finalized.  Because our adoption was already in process, we would have been exempt from this new requirement.  But since they knew I was coming to visit, the judge requested to see me and made my first court date for November 21st.  So all of a sudden my impromptu visit to Taiwan included appearing before a Taiwanese judge -- alone.  And as soon as I came to grips with the idea of going to court to plead my case without Chris, I got even more exciting/distressing/unbelievable news - Emi's birth mom wanted to meet me.  I had NO idea how the meeting would go, and neither did anyone else.  Would she be cold to me?  Do I hug her?  Would the culture/language barrier keep me from communicating with her appropriately?  What in the world do I say to a woman who gave my daughter life?  I was dumbfounded.  And nauseous.  So I tried to just focus on Emi.  Everything that I was facing and any struggles I might have to endure were for the sole purpose of revealing God's redeeming love to her and those around her -- come what may, it would all be worth it.  So I did the only thing I could do - I prayed with the expectation of a miracle.

November 16th came very quickly.  Before I knew it we were pulling an all-nighter in preparation for a very long flight that would reek havoc on our biological clocks.  There was no turning back, and I was just a couple of days away from holding my daughter AND meeting her birth mom.  I can't really put into words how that felt.  There were so many unknowns and SO many possible ways it could all play out.  I was counting on God to make himself tangibly present.  He's the only One that knew exactly how all the pieces of this puzzle fit together, and he's the only One who could make it work.  So I took a deep breath and claimed the promise that He would prepare my way and the hearts of all those involved.  While there were many questions and so many specific things I asked of Him, it all came down to one simple prayer - Lord, give me faith to trust what You say is true.

"The Lord is the One who will go before you.  He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid or discouraged." Deut. 31:8