No, this isn't a predictable post about the hardships of motherhood. I've learned that it doesn't matter what stage of life you're in, how many kids you have (or don't have), or what your job is - everyone feels overwhelmed at times. There have been many nights Chris has heard me scream/cry/whisper in exhaustion, "I'm just so overwhelmed!" And I'm not just talking about since Emi's been here, but since the beginning of our relationship. College was hard. Marriage plus college was harder. Work was consuming. Then came children - and more children...life is just hard! The only time I can look at my life and say, "Man, that was a breeze!" is in retrospect. It sure didn't feel easy when I was living it.
Today was a hard day of more unexpected news. I will post more about it all as I know more (next week), but I found myself crying out to God, "Please, PLEASE make this stop...I'm so overwhelmed!" I can't take another appointment, more 'bad' news, more children whining every.minute.of.the.day, more obligations I can't keep. I just want to escape. Just until the storm blows over.
On my way home from the cardiologist today a song by Big Daddy Weave came on the radio. The title? 'Overwhelmed.' If you haven't heard it, it's not a song about life's heartache and trouble, it's about being overwhelmed by the goodness of an Almighty God. The Maker of the Universe. The Prince of Peace. The One who holds all things in His hands - including this very moment. So that is my prayer now. Not simply for God to fix everything (however, He could - and I would be totally cool with that), but for Him to overwhelm me with His love and power in such a way that my circumstances are put in proper perspective. I want to be overwhelmed by who He is, not self-absorbed in how weak I am.