The Voice of Truth

I can hardly believe that we have been home from Taiwan for 2 months.  I'm not sure how it happens, but even though some days seem to never end, the weeks have flown by.  We hit the ground running with all the necessary assessments and appointments to make sure Emi had the best chance at catching up developmentally.  There are several things we knew before we brought her home.  We knew she couldn't walk and she would need physical therapy.  We knew she was missing fingers on her right hand and she would need occupational therapy.  We knew she wasn't even attempting to make more than one sound and that she would need speech therapy.  We knew her eyes were crossed and she had nystagmus, both of which would need to be corrected.  We knew she had an impressive history of respiratory distress that would need to be carefully monitored. 

We knew ALL of this. 

So when the CDSA (Child Development Services Agency) told me that Emi fell in the small percentage of 'significantly delayed' children, I wasn't surprised.  When the eye doctor told me Emi needed glasses and at least one surgery, I took it in stride.  When she failed her hearing test, it made sense.  But then came last Thursday's routine cardiology appointment.  As far as we knew, Emi's heart was normal.  She left Taiwan with a clean bill of health and documented 'normal heart size' and 'no cardiac anomalies', and had been seen by several doctors once she came home who heard no murmurs or anything else that would cause concern.  So to say I was shocked to learn that Emi's heart is anything BUT normal would be an understatement.  I can't really describe the feelings that flooded over me when I heard the cardiologist tell me that the right side of her heart is significantly enlarged, consistent with pulmonary hypertension.  As he talked, I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter as I tried desperately to cling to my rational thought process.  But I just couldn't this time.  There was no making sense of it, no matter how hard I tried.  I tuned in and out, hearing things like 'shorter life-expectancy', 'double lung transplant', 'heart surgery', & 'medication therapy', but mostly I just heard the enemy's mocking voice whispering to me in this moment of utter weakness - those same lies I let sink into my heart at the beginning of this process and cultivate a debilitating fear.

{I told you this would happen - that you would bring pain and suffering into your family.  You knew you were getting damaged goods - how DARE you cry out to GOD!  You brought this on yourself. 

I told you. 

How can you say this child you brought into your home is worth all the pain that looms ahead?  You had a happy, easy life with 3 healthy children to take care of and you've risked losing it all for WHAT? }

I've never been so aware of spiritual warfare as I was after that appointment.  So yes, I cried out to God to make it stop as I let the compounding affect of the past 2 months overwhelm me.  I pleaded with Him to heal her heart and her lungs.  To protect me from the lies of Satan who prowls around like a roaring lion looking for anyone he can devour.  I needed Him to overwhelm me with His compassion and power.  And I reached out to those who I knew would speak TRUTH into my life.  Try as he might, Satan will never triumph over Truth.  And I thank God for those people in my life who are willing to shamelessly remind me of that.  So now we brush ourselves off and get back up, waiting expectantly on what The Lord has planned.  Because she IS worth it.

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27

Thursday Emi will have the same procedure (an echocardiogram) under max sedation, as well as a cardiac catheterization.  So today we covet your prayers as we wait.  The cardiologist really doesn't know the severity of what he will find on Thursday, but he is certain her heart and/or lungs are not working properly.  Please pray for miraculous healing, but also for me and Chris to cling to the Truth - no matter the results.  And that we would praise Him, even if the healing doesn't come.  That we will choose to believe the Voice of Truth.

'The waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.  The waves, they keep on telling me time and time again, "You'll never win, you'll NEVER WIN!"

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.  The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"  The Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory!"  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."      ~Casting Crowns

Even this little moment puts things in perspective - a former orphan enjoying the love of a family.  And a daddy that so faithfully shows her The Father's unconditional love.  Yes, Jesus, it's all worth it.  The victory is already Yours.